Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On First

I often wonder why women are so quick to let ourselves down.  Why do we put everyone else at the front of the queue when it comes to love, compassion and care?

We seem to have inherited this deeply rooted idea that being a good woman means being a good nurturer. And I understand that. There is something beautiful about caring for the people we love.

But somewhere along the way, I think we lost the memo about nurturing ourselves.

Think about the safety announcement you hear every time you fly:

"In the event of an emergency, secure your own oxygen mask before helping others."

The irony is almost epic.

We completely understand the logic when we're sitting on an aeroplane. If you don't have oxygen, you can't help the person next to you. Yet somehow, in our everyday lives, we can find this principle incredibly difficult to apply.

We will make sure everyone else is okay before asking ourselves if we are. We will spend hours helping our daughters choose a beautiful matric farewell dress. We'll help a friend find the perfect outfit for a wedding. We'll make sure everyone has what they need.

And then we go home and put on an old T-shirt and shorts to sleep in.

I know.

Because I used to do exactly that. For years, my thinking was very simple:

"Nobody sees me. What does it matter?"

A few years ago, something shifted. And strangely enough, it was because of my mom.

My mom always had a thing for beautiful sleepwear. When I complained that I couldn't find nice sleepwear, she was the one who said, "Let's make our own."

And so we did. What started as a simple idea eventually became Revela, but the bigger change wasn't the sleepwear.

It was the way I felt about myself.

I stopped thinking: "Nobody sees me, so what does it matter?"

And started thinking: "I see me."

That is a very different mindset. I realised that I didn't need an audience to deserve something beautiful. I didn't need someone else to tell me I looked good. I didn't need to save the beautiful things for special occasions. I could choose something because it made me feel good.

Elegant.

Comfortable.

Cared for.

And perhaps that is what self-care really is.

Not always the grand gestures. Not necessarily spa days, expensive creams or weekends away. Sometimes it's simply the decision to stop treating yourself as the person who gets whatever is left over.

I think women are particularly good at this.

We give the best pieces of ourselves to our families, our partners, our friends, our businesses and our communities. And then we wonder why we're exhausted.

We don't always need to give less to others. Perhaps we simply need to stop giving ourselves last place. Because putting your own oxygen mask on first isn't selfish.

It's practical.

It's necessary.

And perhaps, after years of being taught to care for everyone else, it is time we remembered that we are also someone worth caring for.

So this Women's Day, ask yourself:

If you treated yourself with the same care you give to the people you love, what would you do differently?

Maybe you would rest.

Maybe you'd say no.

Maybe you'd buy the beautiful thing.

Maybe you'd make time for yourself.

Or perhaps you'd simply stop apologising for taking up space in your own life.

I see me.

And I'm learning that I deserve to feel good too.